Remembering the belly

From Photo of me

An inventory of what I miss and what I don't miss about being pregnant...particularly very, very, very pregnant.

My belly grew more quickly than my sense of self could contain and so I never stopped running into door jams with it as I tried to slide through a half-opened door. Our only raised cupboard buts into a corner and the glasses reside on the far side of that cupboard. Even standing on tip-toe my I could no longer reach them. My belly prevented me from getting close enough.

My belly became the collector of crumbs and drips. My lap was for once protected (or was it just raised?) And, for some reason unrelated to my girth, I was much more awkward with food.

Looking at Kevin I found his tummy to be small. He was now the skinny one in the family.

I hated having my sweaty stomach sitting on my sweaty thighs. I don't even like to type that. Yuck.

There was nothing about sleeping while pregnant that I will miss. I couldn't turn over without waking up and using my arms. But, that was hardly necessary at the end because I was up every 2 hours (or less) to attend to my abused bladder. And, I so missed sleeping on my back. That was the first thing I did in the hospital. I was almost surprised to find that immediately I felt "OK" on my back - something I hadn't felt for months.

Walking, particularly uphill. Won't miss how slow I became. I was always a fast walker. I feared I was changed forever. Not so.

Finally, there was the movement and the knowledge that I was possessed by another entity. Initially, it was just plain creepy. Something is inside me...and it is growing. Then came the subtle little flutters. Finally, the big sweeping movements accompanying major changes in position. When they came upon me suddenly and I was otherwise unoccupied, I'd occasionally scream.

Despite all the paragraphs above, I loved being pregnant. I was fascinated by my ever changing silhouette - even though it also embarrassed me. You can't keep being pregnant private. There is something about that growing belly that informs - even the most distant stranger. It wasn't until I was about 39 weeks along when I finally decided "yes" I need a photograph of my belly that I really, really, really appreciated my new look. Too late then to document the wondrous evolution. (You are welcome to marvel at why anyone would feel uncomfortable with sharing a much wanted pregnancy with the world. This is the nature of neurosis.)

So, I miss that firm, warm belly and despite the way it would startle me, I miss the kicks and rolls and hiccoughs within it. Still, I'm happy to trade it for Zupe.